When is a Family NOT a Family ?

[flossieskid]

I don’t think there is a better television series which celebrated family like the Waltons. In good times and bad, parents, grandparents and siblings were there for each other to offer advice, sympathy, support, guidance and unconditional love. There were even instances of tough love when needed. All those things to me, are the epitome of a wonderful family.

So, I am in a quandary and want the minds of so many wise Forum readers to help me answer an important question: should your family EVER desert you? As I have previously mentioned, the bad behavior exhibited by N.Y. governor Andrew Cuomo should be definitely called out. Sexual harassment must never be tolerated on any level. However, there has been a great deal of negative press directed at his brother, Chris Cuomo who has a daily show on CNN. Colleagues and the general public have spoken out saying, because Chris is a member of the press, he should never have been involved in discussing the situation with his brother, in meetings or on phone calls with the governors staff or his aides. He never should have offered any counsel to his brother, at all. Chris and Andrew are very close (although 13 years apart in age) and Chris is also a lawyer.

Chris Cuomo has spent over 20 years in journalism and has a great deal of experience in a political family. Many of you may know, their father, Mario, was also a 3 term governor of New York. People may not like their politics, but I have to ask - shouldn’t you be able to support your family in ANY way possible if they are in trouble? Isn’t that the very definition of family?

Why should Chris Cuomo turn his back on his brother - his family - in the most challenging time of his brother’s life just because of his job? Chris never reported on Andrew on CNN - ever! He told his viewers that would be a conflict of interest and he vowed he would never do that and he didn’t. Just this week, he did tell his audience that he did advise his brother to resign - to “own it, apologize and tell people how you are going to do better.”

What if Jason or Jim Bob found themselves in a similar situation? What if a young girl on Waltons mountain accused one of them of sexual abuse or even rape? While we know those boys were raised well and would never do that, what if there was an accusation? Wouldn’t each and every member of that family step in and try to help them explore all avenues toward the truth? Wouldn’t all 5 other siblings band together and do whatever was necessary to assist their family member in any way possible? But, would John Boy be expected to just turn his back on his brothers because he ran the newspaper?

Of course. if John Boy ran a story in the paper every day touting their innocence, without facts, or tried to “victim shame” the accuser, of course that is a different story and then John Boy should not be allowed to write anything about the case. Of course, it would be best if there was another reporter John Boy could ask to handle the story But, if I recall, it was a one man operation. John Boy should definitely recuse himself from covering the legal proceedings. But, in private, should he be expected NOT to support his brothers or refuse to help them? Should he be barred from meetings with their lawyers or offering his counsel as a loving brother just because he was a journalist? That comparison between John Boy and Chris is uniquely pertinent, don’t you think?

Isn’t family who you turn to when you are in trouble? Just because Chris Cuomo “presents” the news that doesn’t mean supporting his brother somehow “makes” him the news. As I have mentioned, our daughter Nikki is a journalist with a Master’s Degree from the prestigious School of Journalism at Columbia University. “Journalistic Ethics” was one of her classes. She also feels the job of a journalist should never prevent you from helping your family. If Chris used his platform on CNN to garner any kind of support for his brother that, of course, would be wrong. But he didn’t, so why the judgement? It seems the desire to be “politically correct” has somehow pushed common sense, decency and acceptable behavior aside.

This is not a statement about other questionable behavior that the Cuomo family may or may not have committed. There has been talk that Andrew allowed his family (in addition to Chris there are 3 sisters, an elderly mother and LOTS of children) to have access to COVID testing earlier than the public. I don’t know if that is true. Indignation about this seems s bit petty to me. From what I read, tests were being fully distributed throughout NY to anyone that wanted one and if this did occur, they were saying that the Cuomos were having the tests done in one place at the same time. It wasn’t like there were tests available for nursing home residents and the Cuomos swooped in and took them instead.

So my question remains: when is a family NOT a family?? I think every member of the Walton clan would say “NEVER!” But, I would love to hear all your thoughts.

[goodnight]

If I recall there was an episode where Ben was being accused of some minor crime and this question came up about whether JohnBoy should report on it. But I can't recall the particulars. I think it also had something about corruption in a local election as well. Maybe someone else will remember.

[Easton]

^ Ben and his friends had broken into a house one night to play poker. They were caught and John-Boy wrote up the article in his paper. (Season 5, Episode 1 - The First Edition)

Olivia was furious that John-Boy included Ben in the article but she was more worried about what people would think about the family.

As for the Cuomo thing, I don't know enough about it to comment.

I was the the youngest of 5 boys. I had one older sister and one younger sister. My oldest brother died several years ago. I didn't attend his funeral. My younger sister died last November. I couldn't attend her funeral because of Covid restrictions. Three older brothers are still living, but my older sister is the only one I talk with. I haven't seen my brothers since my mother's funeral in 2003 and I've spoken with two of them only 3 times in 18 years.

If I ever got into serious trouble, I doubt if I would find help there. My sister, yes. My brothers? Nope. Personally, I wouldn't even ask them.

[Brenda]

Aug 18, 2021 21:17:46 GMT -5 goodnight said:

If I recall there was an episode where Ben was being accused of some minor crime and this question came up about whether JohnBoy should report on it. But I can't recall the particulars. I think it also had something about corruption in a local election as well. Maybe someone else will remember.

It was the Season 5 episode The First Edition. A local judge was driving drunk, and John Boy wrote a story about it and was going to publish it on the front page of his newspaper. Then Ben and his friends were caught breaking into a house while the owners were away. So to be fair, John Boy said he should also print that story on the front page of the paper. It caused a rift between John Boy and Olivia who thought he was shaming the family by printing that story about Ben. I believe in the end he did print both stories, but he put them on the last page if I’m not mistaken.

It’s not quite the same situation as the Cuomo brothers, but there are similarities. John Boy explained to Olivia that he loved Ben and he would never do anything to hurt him, but if he was going to be a true journalist, he had to print the news the way it happened even if it involved his own brother.

As for Chris Cuomo, my personal opinion is that he did nothing wrong in advising his brother, and he didn’t use his platform on CNN to defend him. I also remember when the story first broke that there were many on social media who predicted that CNN would not report on the Governor Cuomo situation at all, but they were proven wrong. The story was covered extensively on CNN, just not on Chris Cuomo’s program.

Edited to add: I did not see Easton’s reply until after I posted mine.

[Brenda]

I just went to the ”All About The Waltons” website to read the synopsis of the episode to see if my memory was correct, and for the most part I got it right. However, although John Boy planned to bury the story about Ben on the back page, Ben, while setting the type for John Boy, chose to put it on the front page. He told John Boy that if he wasn’t his brother, it would go on the front page, so that’s where it belonged.

I also want to add that I agree with Flossieskid in her original post. The Waltons is a wonderful example of what a family should be. I think that’s what we all love about it.

[Easton]

Aug 18, 2021 21:54:46 GMT -5 Brenda said:

Aug 18, 2021 21:17:46 GMT -5 goodnight said:

If I recall there was an episode where Ben was being accused of some minor crime and this question came up about whether JohnBoy should report on it. But I can't recall the particulars. I think it also had something about corruption in a local election as well. Maybe someone else will remember.

Edited to add: I did not see Easton’s reply until after I posted mine.

That's okay. I had my eyes closed when I wrote it.

Besides, you gave much more info than I did and could make the comparison with the Cuomo brothers whereas I couldn't.

[patriciaanne]

Tracey, since you brought it up and only because you brought it up, I will share my thoughts on the Cuomo matter. To be completely transparent, I don't agree with their politics. But I will still be as objective as I can.

I always believe that family comes first. It would be hard for me to imagine not coming to the aid of a family member (if I could) for any reason -- even for a job. That said -- when an individual is in a public service job -- and I think both government and journalism qualify -- one must act in a manner that is above reproach. To avoid even the appearance of impropriety. I can completely understand Chris wanting to help his brother. But he should have offered that help as just a brother. Private, unofficial conversations, not on calls with aides and attorneys. Andrew's career is over. So it doesn't really matter for him. It's Chris' actions that are important to his own career if he doesn't want to appear compromised as a journalist. I believe he made an error there. Time will tell what the long term effect will be.

As for reporting on his brother...he may not have reported about this particular situation. But he did interview him during the worst of the pandemic, engaging in what I think was supposed to be light-hearted repartee. There was also a lot of fawning by Chris telling his brother what a "great" job he was doing. I also think that was inappropriate and CNN should not have allowed it. Of course, it looks a bit worse now because of all that came afterward.

So in short -- yes, by all means be there for your family. But understand that may come at a price and tremendous sacrifice.

[flossieskid]

It is so interesting reading the different opinions about how families might interact and some thoughts about whether Chris Cuomo should or should not have assisted his brother as he did. I forgot about the newspaper article Ben put on the front page and how John Boy’s family reacted to his writing the story. I am pleased to hear your honest thoughts about the Cuomo brothers, especially Patricia Anne. You all make some truly valid points that I hadn’t considered - on both sides - and I really appreciate everyone’s input.

Now - in the interest of full disclosure : Chris Cuomo is married to my cousin. Since they live in New York, I have never met Chris but we have been in touch once by voicemail (in over 20 years) regarding a gift I sent him. I did not mention this fact initially in my original post, because I wanted to hear the unvarnished truth without anyone thinking they needed to couch their response or spare my feelings about my own family.

I completely agree with Patricia Anne that Chris’ interactions with his brother in the beginning of the pandemic on CNN were vapid and fawning and should not have continued as long as they did. I also agree, in hindsight, perhaps it might have been wiser for Chris to have listened to Andrew’s meetings with staff and then presented his opinions in private. But, then wouldn’t there be the discussion of impropriety that Chris was listening on the phone and no one knew it because he DIDN’T participate? As people’s say, “Hindsight is 20/20!”

As I said, I haven’t met any of the Cuomos and their situation was used by me as a conduit to ask a very important question about families. But, in the end, I do agree with Brenda, that I don’t think Chris did anything wrong by trying to help a brother he loves. He never tried to use his job on CNN to assist him in any way and was honest and open about his personal opinions as a brother and a lawyer. I don’t really see the harm. But some people do and I sincerely respect that. It is my hope that my family would be there for me if I were in trouble, regardless of their job or how their assistance would be viewed by the world. Yet, it hurts my heart to hear from Easton that, sometimes, families cannot be counted on or even desired, for support!

Everyone has their own opinion and that is why I presented this issue - to get feedback from the thoughtful minds and sensitive hearts of the people on The Waltons Forum. Thank you!

[patriciaanne]

Thank you, Tracey. I appreciate your willingness to hear a broad swath of opinions. So refreshing nowadays. I confess that I was aware of your family connection because you mentioned it on a different thread. However, I still gave you my honest, unvarnished opinion because that was what I think you were asking for. And I'm pretty honest and unvarnished to begin with. 😉 And I also appreciate hearing your point of view.

[flossieskid]

Patricia Anne, my only excuse for not remembering that I mentioned Chris Cuomo in a previous post is either my fibromyalgia brain fog or I’m
just an old fart whose memory is fading! I say that because that was one of my Mom’s favorite sayings! But, knowing that, I am even more grateful for your honest comments!

[pinkbaker07]

Personally I never cared for either of the Cuomo brothers. I found them both to be blowhards.

I think you should stand by your family, but if you know they are guilty of wrongdoing you can't condone it.

[flossieskid]

Well, the pass few months have definitely been difficult for both the Cuomo brothers. While Chris is married to my cousin, they live in NY and I have never even met him. But, I know and love my cousin. I sent Chris a special gift I made for him to celebrate something and he called to thank me on my cell. I missed the call (we live in Laurel Canyon where our reception is sketchy!) and he left me a truly lovely voicemail. Blowhard - perhaps, but the husband of someone I love, so my tolerance level may be unfairly skewed.

As I have mentioned, my daughter, Nikki, is a journalist and she ABSOLUTELY agreed with his firing from CNN because “journalistic ethics” dictated it. But, yet, Nikki always use to say Chris WASN’T really a journalist- he was a lawyer who got jobs in the field of journalism.

So Nikki and I agreed to disagree because I thought all Chris did was support and counsel his brother during a difficult time. I felt any brother would and should do the same. But, I was wrong. When evidence came out that he may have tried to find out information about his brother’s accusers, using his journalism contacts, that was NOT okay.

Family is family and that is important to me. But, I have a very defined sense of right and wrong. My children know this and joke that if one of them committed murder, their Dad would probably buy the fake passports to hide them in a non-extradition country while Mom would give the police their cell phone number! For the record, I can’t say they’re wrong!

I have love and empathy for anyone going through hard times - whether it is a single Mom struggling with no job and kids to feed, or a celebrity who has lost all their jobs and has been vilified by the world. True, I don’t think we need to start a “Go Fund Me” page for the Cuomo brothers. But, I ABSOLUTELY HATE the rampant “Cancel Culture” that seems to only define a person by one mistake - and it might not even be their worse mistake. I was raised to “hate the sin but love the sinner.” There are certainly times when it is almost impossible to find some things forgivable, but then, does that mean we shouldn’t even try?

I am not saying there shouldn’t be significant consequences for bad behavior, poor choices or inexcusable language. But, I do wonder if those who yell the loudest for “Cancel” - how would their life be if people had never given them a second chance or the opportunity to do things better and right the wrongs they had committed?

I do think The Walton’s seemed to embrace an understanding and forgiveness philosophy and it was one of the reasons people related to them so much. The children respected their parents and weren’t afraid to show love and support to their siblings even in the most trying times. But, bad behavior always had direct, but fair, consequences and it seemed there was always a learnable lesson taught with patience and love by their parents and grandparents. I just wish there was more of that type of behavior in the world - or a lot more Waltons reruns!

[pinkbaker07]

I agree with you on the cancel culture. If you don't agree with someone you just "cancel " them.🙄

[Easton]

^ Unfortunately, it seems that the people who truly deserve to be cancelled never are. (I shall not name names.)

[pinkbaker07]

Dec 18, 2021 20:09:15 GMT -5 Easton said:

^ Unfortunately, it seems that the people who truly deserve to be cancelled never are. (I shall not name names.)

Amen